Why is Love so Hard to Find?
by hikari-aozora
Summary: Had it all happened because of me? [NaminexRoxas][hiatus]
1. Beginning x End

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**Why **is **_Love_ **so** Hard **to** Find?**

_written by:_

_**hikari - aozora**_

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**xxo0oxx**

**Author's Note: **My latest creation, _based _on certain things that happened in my real school and stuff, changed a little bit, of course, to make it true "fan fiction." And I'm not saying I'm the main character, though I very well might be, but she could also be a good friend who gave me this inspiration, but I didn't say anything. You shall never know the truth! (Unless of course I said something about it earlier ... disregard anything you may have heard! I lie, I tell you, lie!) Mwahaha!

I asked you guys to vote on whether I should make it a Sora x Kairi pairing, a Roxas x Kairi pairing, or a Roxas x Namine pairing, and the Roxmine one by a landslide! Well, of course, by landslide, I mean a whole two votes. The Roxiri idea was not very popular. I didn't get a single vote for that.

So here you go! A fresh, new Roxas x Namine fan fiction full of drama, romance, and the real-life tribulations of eigth graders sick and tired of their ghetto middle school! (That's really the way it was, believe me. _Man,_ am I happy to be outta there.Ghetto was the way my friend, portrayed in the story as Rikku, liked to put it.) Of course, it wouldn't be fiction unless I tweaked the events a little bit and changed the characters' names to conceal their identity (it's for their own safety), but who reads these author's notes anyway? Coincidentally enough, the characters I chose to portray the real people and such actually fit their personalities.It's weird how that works out ... and I had to think about it for a long time, too. That's partly why it took me so long to get this story up and running ... the other part being that school started (high school! I'm a freshman ... they call us "fish") and I was more worried about getting eaten by upperclassmen than writing a new fan fiction. (There are some ... ahem ... _interesting _sophmores in my biology class ...)

Okay! Now, the moment you've all been waiting for! (Well, not really, but it sounds so much more intriguing that way.) My newest concauction -- _"Why is Love so Hard to Find?"_ Read, review, and, most of all, enjoy! Hah, that makes it sound so much like it's a piece of food, when I put it that way XD!

**xxo0oxx**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, and/or Disney characters used in this story. I merely own the plot of the story and any OC's that may end up stuck in there somewhere.

**xxo0oxx**

Normal Text

_'Thought Text'_

_Emphasized Text_

**Really Emphasized Text**

**xxo0oxx**

**---------------------**

**Chapter One**

_**It was the **beginning** of the **end_

**---------------------**

A new year. The last year.

Well, here, anyway.

I stepped into the tan-brick building with my head held high, a false smile on my face. It's not like I was trying to hide anything; I was only _attempting_ to make a statement.

This was _eighth grade_, after all. We were supposed to be setting an _example_ for the younger, midget-versions of ourselves that roamed the other corridors. We were supposed to be boosting their confidence, lying to them through our teeth about how _exciting_ middle school was going to be, about how much _fun_ we had when_ we_ were in their grade.

That was my excuse, at least.

Honestly, I was just trying to fit in, trying to be what I obviously wasn't ... But _they_ didn't know that. _They_ didn't know me. They just saw me as they always did -- that geeky, blonde-haired kid that was always drawing-or-something, who was in choir-or-something, who hung out with the smart-kids-or-whatever, blah, blah, blah. Still, I stood tall, feigning confidence, and weaved my way through the dense traffic of other hallway-goers to my first class ... my _last _first class ...

First days, in my opinion, were overrated.

New years were supposed to mean fresh starts, a clean slate, full of new students to meet and opportunities _galore_ ... Chances to make new, better first impressions ... A way to be _noticed_, for once ...

But walking these halls, I was practically invisible.

Sure, they noticed that a _few_ things were different ...

"I _love_ what you did to your hair!"

_'It's called a straightening iron. Not a big deal.'_

"It looks lighter."

_'Um, not really.'_

"Did you get taller?"

_'Psh. Yeah. Like an inch, maybe.'_

"Are you losing weight?"

_'No. I just got "taller."'_

... _very_ few, on that note ...

But not enough to matter. They still didn't notice _me._

And I knew they never would. _'How silly of me to hope so.'_

So I struggled through the mob of students and squeezed into my first class, tossing my books under the first empty desk I could locate and sliding into the seat. All around me were familiar faces -- tossing paper airplanes, dangling their feet over the edge of the desks, slamming their books hard onto the wood, poking their neighbors, exchanging summer memories, fixing their hair, joking and pointing, smiling, and laughing, and shouting -- the same group of people I had been classmates with since elementary school, and naturally, the same first-day chaos that came with the lot.

They were all the same, in a way, and so was I -- we all thought alike, you could say, and that's why we had always been together. Maybe that's why I felt so invisible ... because I blended into them, going largely unnoticed by the rest of the population. I was just another one of _them_ -- miniscule and unimportant on my own ... and maybe that's why, in turn, I sought to stand out.

I wanted to be different ... in a _good_ way.

Shaking my head to rid it of these negative thoughts, I slid my sketchbook out from beneath my chair and laid it flat on the desk in front of me. Sliding a pencil out from within it's metal coils, I opened it, flipping past several pages until I came to my latest piece of work, swiftly scribbling away as I awaited the first bell.

"Namine!"

I was aware of a person now occupying the seat to the left of me me and a rather loud _thud! _that sounded as her own books smacked against the desk. She swiveled in her chair and placed her elbows beside my sketchbook, her head resting in her palms.

"Oh, hey, Yuna," I replied in a less-than-enthusiastic tone, not once taking my eyes away from my work. I was busy. And it's not like she would begrudge me for it, anyway. She was, afterall, one of my best friends.

"How was your summer?" she asked me, not really caring if I answered her or not, just trying to make conversation in the midst of an already deafening classroom. But before I could answer her, she craned her neck to see the contents of my sketchbook and asked, "Whatcha doing? Drawing?"

"Writing," I corrected her. It was a common mistake, but I was surprised that _she_ made it. _She_ was the artist -- a far better one than I would ever be.

"Right," she said with a shrug. "My bad." She flicked the sketchbook's metal rings. "It always confuses me, since I have one just like it, you know, but I draw in mine."

I knew.

"Why _do_ you write in a sketchbook, anyway?" she asked.

I cocked my head to the side and tilted the paper just a tad. "I dunno," I replied. "I guess I don't like those little lines. They're so ... controlling. I can fit as much as I want onto a page like this."

"Yeah, I guess," she said, and then she suddenly shouted, "Rikku!"

There was another familiar thud to my right, a frustrated, high-pitched sigh, and the said blonde sat down. Her wavy hair was hanging in two braided pigtails on either side of her neck, and despite the exhaustion expressed in her face, she flashed us a toothy grin. "Yuna! Nami -- ooh! Working on a story?"

Well, at least she remembered.

I nodded, and as if on cue, the sound of the bell rang throughout the school, and the classroom cleared immediately. Every student found their seat, and from within the crowd, the teacher emerged. She began speaking, introducing herself as Ms. Janssen, and what she said next, I did not hear. I was too busy scanning the room, eyeing each and every one of the students, observing just how much they had changed, or hadn't. My gaze fell upon my friends, my enemies, the popular girls, the math whiz, the all-star, the computer geek, last-year's crush ...

There he was, sitting straight in front of me, on the opposite side of the room, playing games on his cell phone under the desk, his captivating, azure blue eyes seemingly fixed on the tan wood, his spiky, chocolate brown hair even more attractively unruly than it was the last time I laid eyes on him ...

Sora.

But really, I don't know what I saw in him, anyway.

He was a good friend ... in a sense, and maybe that was why. Maybe it was because he conversed with me like he had nothing to hide. Maybe it was because around him, I didn't feel _as_ ignored. Maybe it was because he seemed to understand, and confided that he trusted me. Or maybe, it was because the way that he used me made me feel like he cared.

Whatever the reason, I'm over him now.

Though it's strange ... how I thought I never would be ...

Suddenly, my train of thought was interrupted by several quick jabs to the side with the end of a pencil. I turned to face Rikku, who leaned in ever so slightly, as if she had something to say. I listened.

"Hey, you seen Selphie?" she asked me in a hushed tone, though honestly, no one could have heard her over the teacher's monotonous droning, anyway.

I shook my head. "No," I replied, and, noticing that the pencil in her hands was my own, I snatched it from her and continued with my work. It was much more interesting and, to me, important than what the teacher had to say anyway.

"Oh." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rikku lean forward in her seat, stretching to see past the row of heads to her left. "Never mind," she told me. "I see her now. Way at the end. Tifa and Paine, too."

"Okay," I said, the word embedded in a sigh, and I squeezed in two more words to the page before I flipped to a clean sheet. To tell the truth, I wasn't really listening to her, however cruel of a friend I might sound in saying so. It was the first day of school, the first day of eighth grade, and I had failed to learn from my past mistakes. I had gotten my hopes up ... again. Therefore, I wasn't in a very good mood.

I had wanted so much more than I was given, and it was unsatisfying. I wanted to fit in, and to do so I had tried to stand out, but apparently, all I had succeeded in doing was camoflauging myself even more. I had tried and tried and _tried_ for so long ... I guess that keeping my emotions to myself was my wasy of admitting defeat.

Sure, I had a circle of friends ... however short the diameter may have measured. I had Yuna and Rikku and Selphie and Paine and Tifa ... but that was about it. For so long I had tried to convince myself that their friendship was enough ... and that was just another task that I had failed.

It was true. It _had_ to be true.

But I didn't believe much of anything, anymore.

I heaved a sigh, and let my gaze linger on the very last word I had written -- "was."

Such a simple word, yet so fitting.

And my mind began to wander ...

There _was_ a time in my life when I _was_ happy, I _was_ content and pleased with what I had. I _was_ cheerful, positive, and I seized every day, yearning to reach my full potential. There _was_ nothing that could get in my way, it seemed.

But that _was_ then. Everything had changed since then, and I found myself powerless to stop it.

_Now_, life seemed almost impossible.

So as I sat there, surrounded by the same familiar faces, for the last time before we went our seperate ways, all I could manage were hazy recollections of times past, times full of smiles and laughter, when we were all young, naive, and oblivious to the treaturous things that awaited us outside the safe haven of those blissful days.

And I know I wasn't the only one.

It all happened so fast, and nobody saw it coming. It hit like a ton of bricks slapped to the head, and I couldn't have been the only one hurting.

In fact, I had seen it ... how it hurt the others, how it hurt my friends.

Yuna ... she cried, overwhelmed by it, and unable to keep up. She tried to hide it with a smile, a laugh, and an oddly-placed witty remark, but through it all, I could see her pain, all reflected in her eyes.

Rikku ... the normally bouncy, jubilant girl grew somewhat quiet and reserved, still speaking, but not as often as she used to. She built a brick wall, making her tough, sure, but at the same time pushing us away. She credited it with maturity, but her lies didn't fool us.

Selphie ... I can remember a time when she was carefree, confident, and always spoke her mind. When it hit, her personality amplified, almost as if she was broken. Now, her laughter was too frequent to be sincere, merely disguising her problems.

Paine ... in the past she was a clever, bright, and insightful child, helpful to all. But over time, as her intellect grew, the way about her shifted, and she became dark, pessimistic, and at times, violent. With her, we just didn't understand.

Tifa ... she had always been strong, but even she went through a change. She grew distant, preferring a different crowd at times, encircling herself with people of Kairi, Yuffie, Rinoa, and Aerith's status. Sure, she kept in touch, but it wasn't the same.

As for myself ... I grew quiet, anxious, and unsettled. I watched the changes take place, and did nothing.

Nothing.

Not that there was anything I could have done.

But I should have at least _tried_.

We fell apart, crumbled to pieces in plain sight, but we tried to ignore it, tried to act like nothing was happening. And yet, after all of our efforts, we are still breaking, still hurting, afraid that things will never be the same as they were.

Still, we go about our lives as if nothing is wrong, when really, _everything_ is.

We are invisible, like ghosts, or shadows -- very much there, but completely unseen.

In our own way, we pleaded for help, but we were confident that no one would.

As my eyes drooped closed in a prolonged blink, and I became part of the darkness again, another bell rang out, and the students all rose. It was time to move on.

_Move on._

Easier said than done.

I closed my sketchbook and tucked my pencil safely in the bindings, stacking the item gently on top of my other books. Then, I slid out from between the desk and chair, turning on my heels, and slowly merging with the stream of students as we poured out of the room ... just like any other day.

But it wasn't.

It was the beginning of the end.

And I was one class closer.

**xxo0oxx**

**Author's Note: **Depressing? I know. I had to establish that the year started on a negative note, so that the storyline will seem more dynamic, and the events incorperated will be all the more dramatic. We all love drama, don't we? (Well, not in real life, of course, but it makes things so much more interesting in fan fictions, doesn't it?) Besides, the fact that this is _based_ on life gives me an excuse to spice it up a bit! I've done my fan fiction experimenting with oneshots, _Bittersweet Melody_, and such, and I think I know how to make this one better. I've learned from my mistakes, and reviews are always helpful, too!

Love it? Hate it? Both? Review, and I promise you a sugary treat! Believe me, anything you throw at me, I'll completely understand. Seriously, don't hold back. I know this chapter was a little dark, but it will lighten up ... or _will_ it? You'll just have to read and review to find out!

**xxo0oxx**

**Next Chapter: **_The lunchtime ramblings were pointless, as usual._

**xxo0oxx**


	2. Lunchtime Ramblings

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**Why **is **_Love_ **so** Hard **to** Find?**

_written by:_

_**hikari - aozora**_

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**xxo0oxx**

**Author's Note: **I love the fact that I'm getting such good reviews already! I got three reviews and almost 40 hits just in the first couple of hours or so after it was posted, and it was posted pretty late at night. So far, all of the reviews I've gotten have been positive, which is pretty sweet, considering I said don't hold back. Either the story really was good, or I've been lucky enough not to have any flamers read it yet. Ah, but I'm sure the time will come. I've yet to recieve a flame but, I assure you, they will come. All those fanatics out there who are really picky about things ...

So I got a few questions about how Roxas is going to fit into the story and why Namine and her friends have grown so distant. Well, I think I explained how they grew distant in the last chapter, or the gist of it, anyway, but that will clear up as the story progresses. As for Roxas ... well, you'll just have to read and find out, wont you? He will be in there, don't worry. I know it looks like he doesn't even exist, based on the first chapter, but Namine just hasn't met him yet. She will, of course. I mean, afterall, the second genre is romance, and I said it was a Namine x Roxas story so ... just hang tight.

I look forward to more positive reviews, and I hope that the rate of reviews per hits increases, too. If you read it, I would appreciate a review, no matter how brief. Compliment me or criticize my work. I don't mind either. You're entitled to your opinion, after all.

Look at that, three paragraphs of ramblings! (I must get it from my dad. He's worse than me at it!) Might as well get on with the story! It's food for your creative, KH-loving side! Bon apatite XD!

**xxo0oxx**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, and/or Disney characters used in this story. I merely own the plot of the story and any OC's that may end up stuck in there somewhere. Chances are, I'll run out of pre-used characters and will have to make up my own, so ... heads up.

**xxo0oxx**

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_'Thought Text'_

_Emphasized Text_

**Really Emphasized Text**

**xxo0oxx**

**---------------------**

**Chapter Two**

_**The **lunchtime ramblings **were pointless, as usual.**_

**---------------------**

I dropped my black, colorless lunchbox onto the octagonal table and dusted off a seat with my hand, plopping down into it shortly after. A sigh escaped my lips. _'Finally,' _I thought, _'the day's halfway over.'_

I unzipped the container and pulled out its contents. A sandwich. Pretzels. V8 juice. A package of 100-calorie cookies. Simple, but satisfying.

Unlike _other_ things.

Or maybe I was just too hungry to care.

The first two periods of the day had not amounted to anything. The teachers introduced themselves, of cource, and rambled on and on about what we were going to accomplish this year and the like, making sure to include a you-will-need-this-and-that, have-your-parent-slash-guardian-sign-this-and-bring-it-back, and oh-that's-the-bell-have-a-great-first-day. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Or maybe I was just too uninterested to care.

"Hey."

I looked to my right, and there stood Rikku and Selphie, scanning the triple-tiered cafeteria as they set their things down for signs of another friend to recruit to our table.

Speaking of the table ...

"Assigned tables this year," I said with a groan, pointing to the hot-pink notecard taped to the center of the octagonal lunch table, bearing the number 36. "Part of their new _'ingenious' _plan to prevent food fights." I rolled my eyes at the mention of the emphasized word. "Sorry guys ... Choir has this one."

Rikku shook her head and grinned. "Nope," she said. I cocked my head in confusion. _'No?_' "Life Skills and Choir share this one. Blanton says so."

I looked to Selphie, who nodded in agreement, and smiled before turning back to my lunch. "That's cool."

The metal legs of the chairs clanked and squealed as they slid against the tile floor of the cafeteria ... away from the table, toward the table ... and they were filled. There were three of us now occupying it, the _zziipp_ of a insulated box, the rustle of a paper sack, the crackle of a styrofoam tray, and Selphie's occasional oddly-timed giggle taking the place of conversation, for now.

It was Rikku who broke the ice.

"Sooo ... Namine," she began, shifting in her seat enough to face me, "Whatcha got next period?"

I paused, trying to remember as I dangled a pretzel in front of my face, halfway to my mouth. Shoving it in quickly, I reached into the pocket of my khaki pants and pulled out a crumpled-up piece of blue paper. Unfolding it, I slapped it on the table, dragging my finger down one of the creases until I came to the number 4. "Wright," I said, swallowing the pretzel mush in my mouth to read off the name. "US History."

"Ooh, me too!" Riku said as she read the name to herself. "I think Yuna has it next, also ..." She swivelled in the other direction. "How bout you, Selph?"

"Nah, I got Algebra," she said in an unusually chipper voice. "Only time they offer that class. Since I'm a year behind you guys, ya know. Had to either drop you guys' History or Science class. I flipped a coin." She crunched down on a potato chip.

"Oh," Rikku and I said in unison. I returned my schedule to my pocket, lifted my sandwich to my lips and added, "That sucks."

Rikku sighed.

Selphie giggled.

_Munch._

"Speaking of Yuna," Rikku said, gesturing with her right hand, which just happened to be holding an unopened chocolate milk carton, "any idea where she is?"

"Hmm," Selphie actually looked like she was thinking for a moment, and then she shrugged. "I dunno."

_Giggle._

Rikku looked at me for an answer, and I held up my index finger in response, signifying that I was still chewing. She just stared at me the whole time, as did Selphie, and I can just imagine how strange they must have looked to other people, concentrating so hard on the every movement of some girl ingesting her lunch. Stifiling a laugh at the thought, for fear that I might choke on my sandwich, I swallowed.

"Band," I said.

"Oh."

They knew what that meant, so there was no point in explaining further. Yuna was in Symphonic Band, the top band in our middle school. Symphonic Band was always in session during the lunch period, and they always ate at C lunch ... the last lunch. Yuna hadn't had A lunch with the rest of us since sixth grade.

"Stupid Band," Rikku said monotonously.

Apparently, Selphie found it funny.

Now, if this had been sixth grade and I had still played clarinet for the band, I would have been offended by that remark. But this was eighth grade now. I was no longer a naive sixth grader and I had long since dropped the instrument to stay in Choir. Besides, I had been friends with Rikku long enough to know she didn't really mean it.

We ate in silence for a while, concentrating more on the taste of our food than each other's company. Every now and then, Selphie would giggle, the sounds muffled and broken as if she were trying to control her fits, but that was nothing out of the ordinary. We would shoot glances at each other every now and then to stare, as if expecting a reaction, but when the other turned their head we would once again busy ourselves with eating, as if nothing had ever happened. We would have talked, but it seemed that, at the moment, there was nothing interesting to talk about. Girls and guys at identical tables across from our own chatted amongst themselves -- the lunchtime ramblings were pointless, as usual ... it wasn't hard to overhear them at the volume they were shouting -- sqeezing more people into the circle of chairs around their table than was previously advised, occasionally making a trip to tables such as ours to grab unused chairs. They were loud ... the cafeteria was very, very loud ... yet at our table, it was awkwardly silent. Just the three of us, eating our lunch in crowded solitude.

And then ...

"Oh my _god!"_ Selphie exclaimed, slamming her fist on the table, startling Rikku and I.

"What?" we both asked, jerking our heads in her direction, shocked expressions on our faces. She'd said it like she was in mortal danger, practically screamed it.

"Nothing." And she erupted into a fit of giggles.

I pursed my lips and watched Rikku roll her eyes, turning to me and shaking her head in response. Then she smiled, as did I, even if it was a little bit forced, looking straight at me until her eyes strayed to gaze at something past me. Her smile fell.

"Well it's about _time _you showed up, Paine," she said.

I looked over my shoulder, and sure enough, there she was, strolling down the ramp from the second tier and then nonchalantly over to our table, carrying a lunch tray, book clamped underneath it in one hand. She was dressed in her customary black attire -- belts and chains hanging from random places -- her lips fixed in a permanent frown, beady red eyes set in a glare, noticably longer hair set atop her head, slicked every which-way. She rolled her eyes at Rikku and bared her teeth in what I assumed to be a smile, but what turned out to be more of a snarl-type expression.

"Always at the very _end_ of the lunchline," Rikku said with a triumphant grin -- though what she had to be triumphant about I didn't entirely understand -- earning a growl from Paine.

"Yeah, well ... _whatever_," the girl replied.

God, she used to be completely different.

Paine slammed her tray -- which consisted of a mere slice of pizza and a carton of milk -- down on the table and slid into a chair, leaning back in it and crossing her feet over a corner of the table. She snatched the carton of milk from the table, jammed a red-striped plastic straw into it, and began slurping its contents. She slid her book out from under the tray (something by Robin Cook, I didn't catch the title, the author's name was in much larger font) flipped to a page near the middle, and began reading, tuning us out without so much as a, "Don't bother me."

I looked at the practically empty tray and took into consideration how she neglected what food was actually on it. Stealing a quick glance at Rikku and Selphie, who were sitting on the edge of their seats, perfectly still, staring at Paine, I looked back to the girl and asked, "Aren't you hungry?"

"No," she replied curtly, not even bothering to look out from behind her book.

"So ... you're not going to eat?"

"No."

"Not at all --?"

"_Damn_ it, Namine!" She slammed her book down on the table and stared angrily at me. "What, did you just decide to get _more_ annoying over the summer?"

Her words ... they should have hurt like hell, but I had long since grown comfortably numb to emotional pain.

Yet, for some reason, I missed the feeling. _'Man, what's wrong with me?"_

And she wasn't finished.

"What part of 'I'm not hungry' don't you get?" she roughly inquired.

"Geez, Paine, I was just asking."

"Don't," she said, leaning back again. Then, she sat back up, leaning right over her lunch tray, as if searching it for something.

_'Like there's any place for something to hide ...'_

Still, she picked up the slice of pizza, looked under it, and set it back down. Then she proceded to lift the entire tray, all the while I exchanged confused looks with Rikku and Selphie, both arching one eyebrow as I was. When we turned our attention back to Paine, she shot up out of her seat.

"Damn," she said. "Forgot the chocolate."

"Umm ..."

"I'll be back," she said, stepping to the side of her chair but not pushing it in. She turned to leave, but before she did, whisked back around and pointed a sickeningly straight finger at the three of us. "Don't touch it," she snapped. Then, spinning on her heel, she was gone.

I didn't have to ask. I knew what.

And then I heard Selphie giggle.

My heart rate speeding up, I tore my gaze from Paine's figure in the distance and looked down to her tray. Everything looked in order ... but something was missing ...

_Giggle._

_'Oh no ...'_

Gulping, I fixed a nervous gaze on Selphie, who was staring back at me with a stupid grin plastered on her face. She was sitting just as she had been before, save the fact that her hands were now hidden underneath the table top.

I was afraid to ask. "Selphie, you didn't ..."

Giggling again, she smiled wider, and slowly pulled her hand out from underneat the table, lifting it up into the air, relishing the sight of my eyes growing ever wider. There, grasped between her scrawny fingers, was Paine's book.

"Put it back, Selphie, put it _back!_" I ordered in a strained voice, reaching over Rikku as I frantically grasped for the book, but Selphie just laughed and shook her head in reply.

"No way!" she told me. "This is _too _much fun!"

"But Selphie! This is _Paine_ we're talking about! If she finds out you touched it after --"

"Geez, chill _out_ Namine!"

"It's _Paine's book!"_

"She's our friend, right?"

I didn't answer. I just stood up to extend my reach, but I still couldn't grab ahold of the book. I could have just gotten up out of my seat and taken it from her, but that would have caused too much of a scene. Besides, I was too worried to think about that, at the time. Honestly, the thought never crossed my mind.

"C'mon, Namine! Just once isn't going to hurt! I mean, what's the worst she could do? Whack me with the book?"

No, Paine was tougher than she looked. I was far from afraid of the girl, but I knew from experience what she was capable of. She could really cause someone pain if she wanted to, but I decided that explaining this to Selphie would be a real waste of time.

"Sel_phie!"_ I whined.

"Shh, you guys shut _up!" _Rikku ordered. "Sit back down, Namine! She's coming back! Selphie, quit waving that thing around --"

I immediately fell back into my seat and froze. Sure enough, Paine was headed back to the table, a Cosmic Brownie clenched in her fist. I tried my best not to look suspicious as I heard Selphie giggle and Rikku shift uneasily. Then, when a soft-cover book was thrust into my possession, my blood ran cold.

As Paine reached the table and noticed that her precious book was missing, she sighed, squinting to further empower her glare. I watched as her free hand twitched out of rage and then balled into a fist to rival the other one, which was now turning her Cosmic Brownie into chocolate mush. "Alright," she said, "who took it?"

Immediately, Selphie and Rikku placed their hands on the table, palms up, confident grins on their faces. Paine, after examining their hands quite carefully, focused all of her attention on me.

I swallowed hard. I'd been ratted out.

Slowly, I slid the book out from beneath the table and set it gently on top, smiling nervously at Paine as she made her way around the table to where I sat, never once taking her eyes off of me, even as she picked up the book and held it up next to her face.

And then, she whacked me upside the head ... with the book.

Mere seconds afterward, she was leaning backward in her seat, feet propped up on the table, ankles crossed, face hidden by a book, eating the chocolate icing peeled off of the Cosmic Brownie as if nothing had ever happened. I rubbed the back of my head and shot a glare at Selphie, who just smiled and giggled, of course.

I scowled. She could have done worse ... and strangely, I wished she had. Maybe ... maybe I could've compensated for something that way ...

Just then, Rikku elbowed me in my side. I turned to her and practically shouted, "What!" in her face.

"Geez, Nam, did it hurt _that_ bad?"

I sighed. I couldn't help it. I was frustrated with them both. So I decided to try again. "What do you want?"

"I was just going to ask you if you thought it was odd that Paine was eating chocolate," she told me, hiking her thumb in Paine's direction, "you know, after she went off on you about not being hungry and all ... but nevermind."

Yeah, I thought it was a little odd, but what did I care? At least she'd be in a better mood. "Okay ..."

"Yeah. That was it."

"Mhmm ..."

"Yeah ..."

Silence.

_Giggle._

More silence.

"Oh my _god!"_

I didn't fall for it again.

**xxo0oxx**

**Author's Note: **Another chapter down. I would have had it posted sooner, but I had a project in Global. For those of you who don't know what Global is ... it's English and History packed together in one 2-period course. Fun. Imagine someone saying that with their voice dripping with sarcasm and you'd have the gist of it. I worked on it piece by piece over the week, and I kind of found it hard to write in the first place ... I don't mean to scrutinize my own writing, but it's an entire chapter about lunch, for crying out loud!

Nevertheless, it was essential to write. From experience, I've realized that, when you sit down to eat lunch with your friends and talk (or not) about the day's happenings, gossip, and what not, personalities really become apparent. And that's really what I was trying to convey here. So, sorry if it was a bit boring and long, but I needed to really ground the personalities of the main characters and make their seperation -- both emotionally and physically -- from each other more apparent ... especially before I bring Roxas into the picture.

Speaking of Roxas, you'll get your first glimpse of him in the next chapter! I know, right? I'm sure you're all squealing with excitement right now ... of course ... 'cause we all love Roxas ... don't we?

Review, please! Seriously, I like reviews, and if they're honest, they're very helpful in the writing process ... besides being rather amusing at the same time. Tell me what you liked about it, what you hated about it, what I need to improve on, what you think about the characters, what you hope will be in future chapters, how it made you feel inside, whatever! Just review!

**xxo0oxx**

**Next Chapter: **_Stalking strangers in the hallway is not something I do on a regular basis._

**xxo0oxx**


	3. Strangers in the Hallway

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**Why **is **_Love_ **so** Hard **to** Find?**

_written by:_

_**hikari - aozora**_

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**xxo0oxx**

**Author's Note: **So, I got a few more reviews, but not as many as I was hoping for. Kudos to the people that reviewed! You know, I hate it when (and other authors like me will agree) people just hit your story over and over and never leave any feedback. How will we know if all of our hard work isn't in vain if nobody tells us so? Reviews are appreciated ...

You will get your first glimpse of Roxas in this chapter, as promised. His appearance, though, I have to warn you, is a bit of a cameo, but I promise it won't stay that way for long. His role is very significant to the plot of the story. This is a Roxas x Namine story afterall! Besides, not all of them start off the same. Some take a while to get going, and as much as I love fluff, I despise the stories that jump right into romance and then leave you hanging after that. I'm trying to find a balance.

So ... who likes candy? I do! I bet you do too! Haha. So just pretend this chapter is a lovely candy bar and eat it all up! Just remember to review and tell me how it tastes, alright? Happy candy-devouring XD!

**xxo0oxx**

**Disclaimer: **Once upon a time, I owned Kingdom Hearts and Disney and all the wonderful characters and I lived happily ever after. Then I woke up.

**xxo0oxx**

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**xxo0oxx**

**---------------------**

**Chapter Three**

_**Stalking **strangers in the hallway **is not something I do on a regular basis.**_

**---------------------**

Passing period. It's way too short.

But I found that out the hard way.

I didn't think anything of it, at first. The bell rang, and I took my sweet time in stacking my books, tucking them securely under my right arm. I got in line, behind all of the other eager choir students filing out of the door, but I was in no hurry. Last year, I had no problem getting to all of my classes on time. Five minutes was _plenty_ of time to just walk down the hall.

Of course, it didn't help that D-hall, the eighth grade hall, was over-crowded with students of all grades, and was narrower in some spots than others. That issue was brought to my attention as soon as I stepped onto the tile, and I found myself struggling to weave my way into the pack. Traffic was heavy, and I was one little fish swimming against the current.

Nevertheless, I managed to squeezed into an empty space between two girls I had never met, and shuffled along at the same speed as everyone else ... which was slower than normal, but I didn't mind. Still, I couldn't help but think that if everyone walked just a little bit faster, we wouldn't be in such a jam.

That thought made me smile, reminding me of something rather amusing my mother had told me about real-world traffic. _"You have to assume that every other driver on the road is an idiot that doesn't know what the hell they're doing," _she'd said, and recalling it made me glance sideways at one of the girls and question her intelligence.

Finally, after much wriggling and squirming, I stepped foot in one of the wider sections, and was immediately overcome with a feeling of relief. The crowd had thinned and dispersed, lessening the pressure on each side of my body. But I didn't have time to enjoy the feeling, because I knew that the hall grew narrow again just ahead. So I found myself power-walking to my next destination in hopes that I could get ahead of the stragglers.

I don't like to admit it, but sometimes, I get road rage ... even though I'm not old enough to drive legally.

But then, I was cut off, as a boy just barely taller than I was slid right in front of me, causing my temper to rise. I thought about giving him a piece of my mind ... but then, I got a better look of him.

He was different ... Not in the obvious kind of way, but rather subtle. I couldn't quite grasp what it was about him that was so strange, but I was certain I had never noticed him before. He was slim, almost _too_, and atop his head was a mass of blonde spikes that criss-crossed over each other in an uncommon style. He walked at a different pace than everyone else. His strides were long and slow, yet he was moving faster than I, and I struggled to keep up with him. With every step he bobbed up and down, just a little bit higher than the rest of us.

Maybe it was his mannerisms.

Now, I am being completely honest in saying that stalking strangers in the hallway is not something I do on a regular basis. In fact, I find the concept of stalking, period, a little creepy. But when it came to this boy ... I just followed him, subconsciously, staring at the back of his head. I couldn't look away. It's not that I was attracted to him ... heck, I hadn't even seen his face. There was just somethinng about him that stood out to me. He was different, he was foreign, and he didn't blend in.

As the hall grew narrow again, I stepped lightly on my toes to keep up with him. He walked with a purpose, and I was curious as to where he was going. I squeezed through the oncoming people, just barely making it through without stopping, while this mystery boy did it with ease. It was becomming harder and harder to stay at his pace, and I found myself falling behind. With one last effort, I lunged forward in the crowd ... and was knocked off of my feet.

"Hey, watch it!"

I lifted myself up as the crowd grew less dense once again, finding my footing on the floor of another wider section. My head shot up, and I looked around frantically for the boy ... but he was gone. He'd disappeared into one of the classrooms while I was down.

Staring back down at the ground, I noticed that my books had been flung every which way and were scattered throughout the hall. I raced around to pick them up, desperate to still make it to my next class on time -- History. Once I had gathered them all again, I glanced toward a large, white clock hanging on a nearby wall between two doors, and I sighed. I still had about a minute left to go. '_No problem.'_

Then the bell rang.

'_What?'_

It couldn't be ... How could I be late? Five minutes ... that had _not_ been five minutes! I was sure of it!

But I decided that the inquiry could wait, and I made a dash toward the classroom door.

**----------**

"So, Namine, what'd you think of Coach?"

I looked up at Rikku, who was sitting barefoot and cross-legged on the floor, as we all were, next to me. "Who? Coach Wright?"

She nodded and grinned. "Yeah. I think she's a _pret_ty awesome History teach, don't you?"

"Mhmm," I agreed, recalling last period. She was definitely ... different. I caught that much about her. But I had been a little sidetracked, though, thinking about another unusual person of the opposite gender ...

"How 'bout you, Yuna? Isn't Coach _awe_some?" Rikku leaned forward as she asked the question, peering over me at the brunette seated beside me. I, too, turned my attention to the girl.

Yuna, who had been busy twirling a loose loop of carpet around her finger, looked up at us, startled, upon hearing her name, with an expression that clearly stated, _"Huh?"_ But nevertheless, she answered. "Yup, she's pretty cool. But she's not a coach."

"She used to be," Rikku said. "Maybe she got so used to being called 'Coach' she just decided to leave it ..."

The blonde trailed off, but the sentence didn't really need to be finished. We all got the point. This was just idle chitchat, anyway.

"Mhmm."

"Yeah."

"Yup."

"What are you girls _talking_ about?"

I spun completely around in my spot to face the person who'd asked the question. It was Tidus ... no wonder. He had a habit of butting into other people's conversations ... well, moreso than most people. He absorbed all kinds of information, never forgot a single detail ... and relayed almost every bit of it to Sora.

"Nothing, _Tidus_," I said, putting the emphasis on his name as if I didn't like him. He was actually a pretty good friend of mine, but he was annoying at times. _'Who isn't?'_

His eyes narrowed, as did mine. "Well you _had_ to be talking about _some_thing, _Namine_," he said.

I raised my eyebrows. "Nope," I said, my shoulders bouncing as I spat it out. It was the truth. We weren't really talking about anything.

He huffed. "Psh. Girls are so weird. Especially _blonde _ones."

"Ooh, good job insulting your_self_ there, Tidus."

"Are you implying things?"

"Maybe."

"Psh."

That was it. End of conversation. Really interesting.

As I spun back around, I got a glimpse of Sora, sitting to the left of Tidus, folding a ripped piece of paper over and over again. The funny part was, he seemed to be concentrating _so _hard on it. I shook my head, stifling a laugh, and turned back to face the front. I would never understand that boy.

"Yuna, I would stop messing with the carpet, if I were you. You have _no _idea how many people have walked on it in their bare feet."

Yuna listened to Rikku and sat up straight. "Good point," she said.

"I mean, the smell _alone _--"

"Cross your legs, hands on your knees, back up straight, eyes forward, chin up, mouth _closed_."

Upon hearing the all-too-familiar command, we all snapped into position, and there was Mr. Matsumoto, standing at ease at the front of the room, staring down at us with a drill sergent's glare. He was clad in the same white shirt and black pants he was always wearing ... which made us wonder if he ever washed his clothes. But no one ever _dared_ to ask him. He was a very strict man ... most of the time.

"Welcome to Karate Three, students," he said, though neither his voice nor his countenance were the least bit welcoming. "Now, it goes without saying that I --"

The teacher was cut off as a piece of paper folded into a small triangle hit him in the chest. Everyone was still, eyes wide, and not a soul dared speak ... except one.

"My bad, Mister."

I resisted the urge to reach up and slap my hand to my forehead. Like I said before, I will never understand him.

"Sora, front and center," Mr. Matsumoto ordered in a surprisingly calm voice. There was a pause, and then the shuffling of feet could be heard. Before long, the entire class was staring up at the boy who faced the teacher in the front of the room, interested in what fate would befall him now.

After one long, stagnant moment where the teacher did nothing but stare down at his pupil, Mr. Matsumoto leaned over, bowing deeply to his opponent. As he slowly straightened back out, he uttered two horrific words: "Defend yourself."

But before anyone of Sora's brain capacity could even process those words, he found himself caught in the middle of a guillotine head lock, unable to breath, squirming and writhing in hopes of breaking free. We all watched with impatience, screaming orders at the boy in our heads. _'Tap. Tap!'_

Finally, our brain waves reached him, and he slapped his thigh repeatedly. Mr. Matsumoto released him, backing up just to resume glaring. Then, he took another low bow, and dismissed the boy. Sora just stood there, breathing heavily for a moment, before he hastily bowed and dashed back to his seat. Had this act come at a complete shock to us, we would have turned and stared. But then again, it's not like it had never happened before ...

"As I was saying before I was so _rudely_ interrupted --" Had I blinked, I would have missed Mr. Matsumoto's eyes darting in Sora's direction. "-- it goes without saying that I have high expectations for this class. You are eighth graders, now." He paused, as if to let us catch up, before continuing with slow, intense words. "I expect maturity and nothing short of perfection."

I gulped, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one to swallow hard. Mr. Matsumoto was normally a calm, reserved person -- who packed a painful punch, though -- and we had never heard him speak in such a tone. It was almost as if he was angry, _furious_, and was struggling to contain his emotions. _'Sora couldn't have upset him _that_ much, could he?'_

Mr. Matsumoto's gaze shifted slowly from side to side, passing back and forth along the rows and down the columns, locking eyes with each and every one of us at least once, and I felt strangely uncomfortable. He was serious, that much was obvious ... but what else was he trying to get through to us?

I guessed he could sense our uneasiness, because then he smirked. "Is that too much to handle?"

**----------**

I left Geometry, my last class of the day, in a rather sour mood.

I had realized in Karate that Mr. Matsumoto's beginning-of-the-year speech was the first I had really listened to all day, and considering it left me with a feeling that was a mixture of fear, confusion, and nausea, I came to the conclusion that these speeches were actually of some importance. Then, as I made my way from the karate portable back to the main building, accompanied by Rikku and Yuna, I decided that I would pay attention in the next class.

_However ..._

Sora, Riku, and Wakka made listening to Mr. Landry's speech quite impossible. It was bad enough that I had been assigned to the seat in between these three -- who were notorious for being extremely irritating when they got together, by the way -- but to make matters worse, Wakka decided he just _had_ to poke me with his writing utensil to ask for a pencil, just to have me explain to him that he had just disturbed me with one and to _please_ not do it again because I was _trying _to listen. _Then_, on top of _that_, he and Sora talked non-stop the en_tire_ period. Riku, though he didn't bother me, didn't try to stop them, and even joined in on the talking at points ... and I was irritable already.

Riku ... he was a nice guy, really. He was good at everything, too ... a star athlete, intelligent, a ladies man ... Sometimes I wished I could have fallen for a guy like him.

Wakka ... he was another one of those people I didn't understand ... and taking into account his heavy jamaican accent, at times, that was literal.

But enough about that.

I was _not_ in a good mood.

I had tried to put up with the stress of the first day of school, and had failed miserably.

_'Stupid school.'_

I felt like kicking something.

"Hey, Namine!"

I looked up to see Yuna across the hall, leaning against the row of lockers, waving at me. The one she stood next to was wide open, and she was skillfully balancing her backpack on one knee while stuffing it with books. Shifting my own bag higher up on my back, I made my way over to her, a task I found surprisingly easy, for most of the students had cleared out of the building already. Once I reached her, I let my bag slide off of my shoulder and onto the floor, allowing me to press my back against the cold metal of the closed lockers adjacent to Yuna's. I crossed one foot over the other and folded my arms, a position that expressed my foul mood.

Yuna could tell something was up, and she momentarily dropped her backpack onto the ground, turning to me. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Everything."

"Aw, it can't be _that_ bad, can it?"

"On the contrary, Yuna," I said, switching my supporting foot, "it can."

She put her weight on one foot and placed her fists on her hips. She was staring at me -- an intense, knowing stare -- and I looked down. I anticipated the next question. "Is this about Sora again?"

I rolled my eyes and let my hands drop into fists at my sides. "Why does no one believe I'm over him?" I asked, turning to Yuna and demanding an answer out of her.

"I didn't say anthing about you being over him, now _did_ I?" Yuna's voice was strangely harsh. I hadn't heard a tone like that from her since ... well, in quite some time.

I felt the urge to say something unbelievable in a great comeback, but no words would come. She was right, afterall. I had jumped to conclusions ... as I often did. It was one of _my _annoying habits. My gaze shifted down as I admitted defeat, but my head did not drop.

She relaxed. "But it _is_ about Sora, isn't it?"

I sighed. It went without saying that he made me miserable. Yuna knew it.

"Namine," she began, a sympathetic tone about her voice, "I know we've all been through some hard times together, and you, especially, have had it rough, but it's time to move on. You have so much to look forward to."

_'Not really.'_ Or at least I didn't think so at the time, but I didn't bother correcting her. "I know, but --"

It was then that I noticed someone kneeling down just beyond her open locker, fumbling with their own books, their face hidden by the open metal door. I paused, ignoring Yuna to stare at this mystery person. Then, whoever it was slammed their locker closed, stood up, swinging their backpack over their shoulder, and coming into full view. Yuna looked at me quizzically as my eyes grew wide, and then she turned to face the object of my attention, as well.

It was _him._

And this time, I could see his face.

He looked ... sad, somehow, or lonely ... I'm not quite sure, for I had never seen an expression quite like his before. He looked calm, but focused, and his gaze did not wander. His eyes were a deep, azure blue, a captivating color, and were a stark contrast to his pale skin. He was handsome, sure, but I knew that I had _never_ seen his face before.

Yet, for some reason, he looked strangely familiar.

And as I watched him, following him with my eyes to his destination, it became clear why.

He stopped right in front of Sora, and the two began talking, their mouths moving more quickly than normal, and I could not make out their words. It was almost as if they were speaking to each other in a different language, voices hushed to conceal a secret. It was ... interesting, how they communicated, but that wasn't why I was so shocked.

"Yuna ... he looks so much like Sora ..."

**xxo0oxx**

**Author's Note: **Yeah! Another chapter down! Sorry that it took me a while to update ... I had a major project to work on in Global, which is English and History combined, for those of you who have never heard of it. I don't know if they offer classes like that outside of here ... I had never heard of it myself until last year.

Rambling again ... _so_ sorry ...

I will post another chapter as soon as I can, but I may be struggling to get it written. I love to write these stories, I really do, but school gets in the way, you know. I'll work on it every chance I get ... You know, right now I'm not even supposed to be on the computer. I'm grounded from it for whatever reason ... I think my parents were just angry and decided to take it out on me but no matter! It's only for a day.

Once I get a bit more into this story, I'll take up writing oneshots again. I want to vary my pairings, and so I'm going to experiment ... through oneshots.

Thanks _so _much to the people who actually reviewed. Reviews _are_ important ... and it bugs me when I get a _ton_ of hits and _barely any _reviews ... though I guess I am a bit of a hypocrite, when it comes to that. Still, reviews are very much appreciated, whether they are good or not. Don't think that just because you have nothing good to say about it that you can't leave a review. _Anything_ is welcome, because outside opinions seriously do ease the writing process. So _please_ review! I'll give you chocolate muffins if you do!

**xxo0oxx**

**Next Chapter: **_He was kin to the enemy, but I wondered ... did that make him the enemy, too?_

**xxo0oxx**


	4. Kin to the Enemy

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**Why **is **_Love_ **so** Hard **to** Find?**

_written by:_

_**hikari - aozora**_

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**xxo0oxx**

**Author's Note: **Omg, I am SOOO sorry this took me so long to write ... Well, it's not that the writing part took a long time, it's just that I had plenty of other things to do that I considered more important than this fanfic at the time (don't kill me). But, you would do the same too, right? Grades ... Roxmine ... balances it out on her hands. Sorry, people, grades win. I have a long list of things I need to do ... and then this whole other list called the Not Fun List remembers a long chain of PMs, and most of the stuff on the To Do list is on both ... sad face. Except writing. Yeah, writing is cool.

Umm ... let's see ... Oh yes! Thank you so very much to all my reviewers. You are lovely people. And I mean that in the coolest, most awesome possible way. Sorry that I kept you guys waiting. Please forgive me. I'll try to get the next chapter up pretty quick.

So, more of Roxas in this one! Yeah, if these beginning chapters seem kinda spacey, it's because I'm resisting the urge to rush into all the really good fluff and drama, like I did with Bittersweet Melody, because that made the plot suffer, and for that, I'm kinda stuck between ideas for the sequel. But hey, I was a noob (God I hate that word ... so why am I using it? The world may never know) at this whole fanfic-writing thing. I spent more of my free time reading them than writing them (and I still do I guess) because I needed to see how it was done. Yeah ...

Yeah ... that's all I can say. My brain is zapped ... took the PSAT and many riddiculous career aptitude tests (and I _mean_ **riddiculous**. They want us all to work for the government or suffer the consequences and be poultry farmers for the rest of our lives ... go figure) earlier this week. Yeah, fried brains sloshing around in my head. Not good for the creativie mind.

Okay, well I call this Cream of Roxmine ... and I made it from scratch (pay no attention to the empty soup cans lying around). Hah, there's my fried brains again for you. Fried ... Heh ... food. Okay well, eat up XD!

**xxo0oxx**

**Disclaimer: **Yesterday, I won the lottery, and I was so excited about getting out there and buying the rights to Kingdom Hearts that, in my haste, I lost the ticket. Darn.

**xxo0oxx**

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**---------------------**

**Chapter Four**

_**He was **kin to the enemy **but I wondered ... did that make him the enemy, too?**_

**---------------------**

He looked ... so much like _him._

The resemblance was unbelievable. They could have passed for brothers had I not known that they weren't. Sora was an only child, a fact that I learned back when I was obsessed with the boy.

Again, I wondered ... _what was I _thinking?

What _was_ I thinking?

I wasn't so sure, anymore.

I had to be crazy. Yeah, that's it, crazy. I was so tangled up in my emotions - these mismatched strings of hatred, sympathy, confusion, and fury - that I was seeing things. The similarities between this new, strange boy and Sora ... they were all made up.

That _had_ to be it.

Or, at least, that's what I kept telling myself.

It was frustrating, really, all of this ... I didn't even know this kid and already he was putting me through exactly what Sora had ... the later stages of it, anyway. Frustration. One word summed it all up.

And then, my mind began to work ahead of itself. I started thinking, _really _thinking, and then, this frustration turned into worry. If this kid, whoever he was, could frustrate me like Sora did toward the _end_ of our "friendship", then maybe my relationship - if you could _call_ it a relationship - with this mystery boy would somehow play out in _reverse_ ...

I started freaking out.

Who did he think he was, playing games with my mind when we didn't even _know_ each other? Who was he to spark my interest by just walking past me in the hallway, his foreign mannerisms intriguing? What was he thinking, this strange Mr. What's-his-face, just one day crossing paths with me, crossing _lives_ with me, and then leaving me hanging, wrapped up in the thoughts and feelings that only his look-alike had ever made me think and feel?

What was he _thinking?_

What was _I_ thinking?

And thus, the vicious cycle of equally vicious thoughts began again in my mind.

Sighing, I came to the conclusion that the world just wasn't on my side today, as if it had ever been before. Yes, Life was playing an evil game with me, toying with my heart by bringing someone new, and strikingly familiar, into the picture just as I had put Sora behind me. That's right, it wasn't my fault at all. It was all Life and it's unfair, manipulative ways. Life had gotten on my bad side.

I shook my head to clear it of thoughts. Now _that_ was unrealistic thinking.

_'Just calm down, Namine. Take a deep breath ... Calm down.'_

After all, he was only a boy. A boy that I didn't know, for that matter, and didn't have any interest in knowing. He was one of_ them_, one of the enemy. He had to be. Why else would I have felt so unsettled? Enemy, yes, one of the enemy. I didn't associate with _them._

Breathe in. Breathe out.

He was only a boy.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

And to me, that was all he would ever be, no matter how strange ... different ... striking ... _interesting ..._

Breathe in.

My _god, _who the hell _was_ he?

"He's his cousin."

With a jerk, I snapped out of my daze. My head turned to meet the gaze of the girl who had just spoken to me, and I found her sliding into the bus seat next to me, tossing her backpack next to mine in the seat across the aisle. She turned her head for a moment to give me a quick smile, before finally sitting still, arms folded across her lap.

It took a few seconds and numerous blinks for Yuna's words to set in. I had been so absorbed in my thoughts that I had forgotten where I was, what time it was, and that the blinding afternoon light filtering in through the emergency exit window next to me was burning the right side of my face. I proceeded to move my face out of the beam of scorching summer sunlight, scooting a tad closer to Yuna, before I spoke. "Who's his cousin?"

"_He's _his cousin."

"Who?"

"_Him._"

"Who's cousin is he?"

"That _kid _is _Sora's cous_in," Yuna stated, speaking slowly and with intensity so that I would understand every word perfectly. Her frustration mirrored mine, I could tell. "Come _on_, Namine! _Think_, for crying out loud!"

I wanted to ask her what the hell she thought I'd been doing for the past fifteen minutes, sitting on this dumb school bus by myself, but I didn't say anything.

She sighed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to yell. It's just that sometimes ... I don't know ... about you ..."

I didn't tell her that I didn't know about myself either. I didn't know, and I wouldn't ever again.

"I'm sorry, too," I told her, and then I began picking at a small tear in the fabric of the seat in front of us. "I've just got a lot on my mind."

Yuna looked away from me, sliding further down into the seat until her knees were resting against the back of the seat I was messing with. "I know you do," she said, "what, with Sora and everything." I twitched ever so slightly at the mention of his name, but she didn't notice. "We all do." She paused, and for what I wasn't sure. "It's been a tough year."

Now _that _just _had_ to be the biggest understatement in the _history_ of understatements.

But I didn't say anything.

Funny, there was so much I _wanted_ to say.

But we - my friends and I - we'd drifted apart that way.

"Hmm," was the only sound that came out of my mouth, but Yuna could tell that I was agreeing with her.

"I think I remember seeing him before," she continued, apparently realizing that the subject needed to be changed.

Wait.

"You've seen him before?" I asked, curious now. "But ... I'm pretty sure _I _haven't seen him around here."

"Maybe I just heard about him then," Yuna said, shrugging. A moment later she nodded and added, "Yeah, I've heard about him. I'm remember Lulu saying Sora's cousin was in her art class last year ... you know, before she left."

Yeah, I knew. Before she left us all one morning on a long and boring flight to China, never to live near us again.

"You know, now that you mention it ... I think I remember her saying something about him, too," I said, and it was the truth. She _had_ said something about the tall, skinny blonde boy I'd encountered in the hall this morning. She'd even told me his name ... something strange, unusual, and fitting for a guy like him ... but he'd been nobody, then, so why would I have remembered? That was way back _then_, when I was young, naive, and engrossed in his egocentric cousin ...

"Now that I've seen him ... you can really tell they're related, huh?" Yuna said with an uneasy grin, fully aware that I knew who the other half of "they" was. She was trying to be funny, I could tell, but she wasn't as good at that as she used to be. I smiled a little anyway and nodded, before sliding into the same position that she was in.

"Yeah, cousins ..." And I trailed off, thinking again, about how unnaturally similar they really were, and yet, they were still so different. I tugged at a strand of my golden hair that was dangling in front of my face. "He walks funny," I said.

"Which one?"

I chuckled, even if it was only a little. "The one that's _not_ Sora, but I know it's hard to tell."

"He's so _weird_, isn't he?"

"Which one?"

"Sora, _duh."_

I smiled. "You got that right. I mean, he's such a _dork._"

"Heck yes," Yuna said, a grin gracing her features, too. "Such a _geeky _dork."

"Hah, and so _clumsy_, too!" I added with enthusiasm. "Always falling down!"

"And have you seen his teeth? They're massive!" Yuna said between giggles.

I laughed, too. "And he never has anything to say! It's always 'Uh ... I dunno ...'"

"It's like he's too dumb to come up with anything else!"

"Exactly! And the way he always walks around with that clueless expression on his face--"

"Yeah! It's so _weird_ ..."

"I know, right? He's so ... ugh!"

"And the way he won't shut _up_ about how every girl is 'sooo hot!' Like now, all you ever here him say is 'Kairi, Kairi, Kairi!'" She laughed hard at that one.

But I wasn't laughing. It wasn't funny.

Something that Yuna had said had smacked me hard in the face, hitting me in the head like a ton of bricks, sending that smile running for its life, almost as if it had never belonged on my face in the first place.

Yuna's laughter faded away when she finally realized that I wasn't laughing with her. She sat upright, allowing her feet to float back down to the floor of the bus and her hands to slide down to her sides. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her scoot just a tiny bit closer, looming over me slightly in a curious way. The grin had slipped from her countenance, and I imagined that her face now held a worried expression, but I didn't dare look at her. I didn't want her to see the tears brimming in my eyes, threatening to spill. I didn't want her to see how red my face had become as I had forced my cries to stay in. I didnt want her to see my hands clenched in angry fists, which I hid from her. I didn't _dare_ let one of my best friends see the look on my face as I realized just what a fool I'd been.

"What's wrong, Namine?"

She just _had _to ask.

Despite my efforts, I wasn't strong enough, and a single tear dripped onto my shirt. I choked on my words. "_... e-every _girl ...?"

Sora had never noticed _me_ in that way. He'd never said that I was "hot", cute, or even the least bit pretty, for that matter. He'd never _noticed _me ... and he _never _would ...

How could I _ever _have thought that maybe he would see me as more than a friend?

I was such a fool.

_Such _a fool.

And I let the tears spill.

Yuna didn't know what to do, for it had been so long since she'd seen me cry. For so long, we'd all held our feelings in, afraid to let them out. We hadn't shared our secrets, shared our desires, shared the pain. We'd tried to take on life on our own. Maybe _that_ was why we fell apard.

Oh, God, if we had just let our feelings _out ..._

Doing the only thing she knew how, Yuna put her arms around my shoulders in an attempt to comfort me. I cried on her shoulder, so hard, and for so long, that I began to feel better. Maybe that was all we ever needed ... a shoulder to cry on ...

If we had only known this sooner.

But that day, on the bus, Yuna and I actually felt like _friends_. The feeling was strange at first, given the distance that had grown between us, but it was welcomed. And when I finally _did_ stop crying, I greeted Yuna's face with a smile. "Thank you," I said, and I really was grateful.

"You're welcome," she replied, and she smiled back.

Yes, she was great friend, but this didn't change what had happened.

When Rikku boarded the bus a few moments later, she found me staring out the window with a tear-streaked face, yet smiling all the same. I imagine she asked Yuna what had happened, but I wasn't listening. I was too busy thinking, thinking about the past, the present, and the years to come. I was thinking about my friends, those who weren't friends, and _them_, the enemy.

But I was also thinking about _him,_ the blonde boy who had no name, probably because I wasn't quite sure just where he belonged.

I could see him from where I was, walking to his own beat in the shadow of the school building, trailing behind the cousin who'd done me wrong, all the while seemingly engaged in a conversation with _him_. The boy and my foe looked so similar, yet this new kid really was different. He was ... truely unique.

He was what set my mind thinking.

I began to wonder about him, despite what my mind was telling me, screaming at me, warning me to stay away from him. I was intrigued by him, despite my pre-conceived notions about him, despite who I thought he was because of who he was related to. I mean ... he couldn't be _that _bad, right?

He was kin to the enemy, but I wondered ... did that make him the enemy, too?

I was judging him, but who was I to judge? I didn't know him. I only assumed that he was like Sora because they were family. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that _no_ one could be as bad as Sora, as manipulative, as absorbed in themselves as he was. _No_ one could ever hurt me as bad as _he_ had.

After all ... I didn't _know_ him.

But maybe ... maybe someday, I would.

**xxo0oxx**

**Author's Note: **Soo ... how'd you like? Please tell me ... nobody likes to _beg_ for reviews, but everyone loves them. Come on, how hard is it to click that lil purple button down there at the bottom of the page and submit your thoughts, huh? One word is fine. Everyone loves one-word opinions. I mean, we speak in one-worded sentences all the time! I do, anyway.

Today, I decided I was a ninja. I am a mentally unstable nen-jahhh. Yup. That's who I am today.

Crazy, I know. Totally _insane._

But at least I'm still a girl. Unlike my other friend, who decided that, today, she's gonna be a dude.

No kidding. That's what she said. It freaked me out, too, believe me.

Okaaayy ... there's your dose of randomness for today. Randomness always gives me inspiration, so I hope that inspires you to write a review! Reviews are your friends! They won't hurt you, I promise ... So anyway, R&R, make me happy, and I'll update again as soon as I can!

**xxo0oxx**

**Next Chapter: **_Sometimes, I just wanted to hop on a plane and fly far, far away from my problems._

**xxo0oxx**


	5. I Just Wanted to Fly

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Why **is **_Love_ **so** Hard **to** Find?**

_written by:_

_**hikari - aozora**_

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**xxo0oxx**

**Author's Note: **I apologize for the hiatus. Please forgive me. -gets down on knees- Very Sorry. I've had a horrible case of writers block. -coughcoughhack- Seriously. I've got three or four unfinished oneshots here ... one of them being a contest entry. I'm seriously lacking in my fan fiction writing ... probably making a few people mad in the process. Sorry bout that.

Um, so, yeah. Chapter five. It's done. Woohoo. Praise the Lord. Party at my place.

... No ...

Hope you enjoy. Yeah, I tried to make this one longer. I found it hard enough to make the other ones long ... then I compared them to other fan fictions. Heh. So much for that. Okay. Drama-flavor. Comin' right up XD!

**xxo0oxx**

**Disclaimer: **Yeah ... no.

**xxo0oxx**

Normal Text

_'Thought Text'_

_Emphasized Text_

**Really Emphasized Text**

**xxo0oxx**

**---------------------**

**Chapter Five**

_**Sometimes, **I just wanted to **hop on a plane and **fly **far, far away from my problems.**_

**---------------------**

Breakdowns.

Who liked them? I didn't.

But the concerned look that stained Yuna's face for the rest of the week sure didn't help me forget my little episode on the bus. In fact, it did quite the opposite. Her expression caused me to relive that moment of weekness. Every time I so much as glanced her way, I thought about it. And thinking about it made me just want to break down again.

Why did she have to _look_ at me like that?

Nevertheless, she did, and she made sure I didn't forget it, either.

It was almost as if she was torturing me on purpose ... but no, Yuna could never do such a thing. Sweet, innocent, loving, caring Yuna. She would never think of hurting someone by her own free will. That wasn't Yuna.

Then again ... _this_ ... this wasn't me.

So then ... who was I ... _really?_

I heaved a sigh. I didn't want to be like this. I didn't want to be a part of _this_. Things were too complicated for my liking around here.

So many problems. So many twisted, sticky _problems._ Unavoidable, unexplainable problems. Problems like the plague. Problems that tied you to the spot in a giant, tangled knot of other little agitations and imperfections that pestered you until you couldn't take it anymore, until you got so fed up with trying to free yourself that you gave up entirely, throwing your hands into the air in defeat and sliding to the ground to sit cross-legged, cross-armed, breathing in angry puffs that sent tufts of hair flying out of your face, only to land back where they were before, which further added to the annoyance of it all.

Oh, the wonders a great pair of scissors could do ...

Now wasn't the time to think about that, though. Now wasn't the time to go confusing yourself with all this nonsense you conjured in that strange little messed-up head of yours, Namine.

_Nam_ine.

Another sigh.

"I just don't get it, Yuna."

She bounced, leaning forward on her heels as she squatted down and fidgeted with the combination lock. "What don't you get, _Nam_ine?"

"Why things have to be so ... so ... _ugh_."

"So _ugh?_"

"Yeah, that's it." I shifted my weight to my left leg, meanwhile slipping my right arm through the other strap on my backpack, situating it behind both shoulders. I turned slightly toward Yuna, looking down at her, watching as her hand twisted back and forth, left and right, then stopped, and spun the lock to clear it again. "So very _ugh._"

"Uh huh." She didn't say anything for a few seconds after that. It was obvious that she was trying to concentrate, and I was distracting her. Served her right. I mean, the look she'd been giving me for the past few days certainly qualified as distracting.

Sigh number three. Then I muttered, mostly to myself, "... just don't get it."

"Well, hey, you wanna know what I don't get?"

"And what's that?" I asked, bringing my right foot up to rest pressed against the lockers behind me.

"This stupid lock. _Damn, _wrong combination." Spin.

I shrugged. "Nah," I said, "I have the same problem sometimes. It's not that I don't get it, it's just that there's too many combo's to memorize. You've got your gym locker, this locker ..."

"Well maybe memorization is _your_ problem" -- she jerked her thumb in my direction -- "but_ I"_ -- she pointed at herself -- "just don't get it."

I chuckled at the comment. That's Yuna for you, trying to lighten the mood.

She spun the lock again, and I laughed. "You're hopeless, Yuna."

"Probably," she said with a smile, "but weren't we talking about _your_ problems? You know, you still didn't get around to telling me what you didn't _get._"

"Oh, right." I leaned back, resting my head on the cold, painted metal. "About that." I turned my head away from her, hearing a faint click, and the slam of her locker door against the others beside it.

"About _time_."

I huffed, ignoring her comment. "I don't want to be a drama queen, Yuna. Really, I don't. But lately, I've kinda been feeling like one."

"Well you can be dramatic sometimes, but hey, so can everybody."

"Yeah. Drama's hard to avoid, you know? I guess it's part of life, and I just need to accept it. I just need to learn that everything isn't going to go _my_ way _all _of the time."

"It's not going anybody else's way, that's for sure."

"But ... it seems like life has gotten harder, and not just a little bit."

"For everybody ..."

"Yeah, I know. But I don't know if I can handle everything life's throwing at me right now. It's all happening so fast like ... like ... like lightning, spontaneous and all over the place, you know?"

"Eh ... not really, but keep going."

One of my hands found its way to my pocket, the other to the back of my neck. "I guess ... what I mean is ... I wish I didn't have so many problems."

A stack of Yuna's books hit the floor with a thud. "You and the rest of the world."

"Hmm ... right." I let the hand on my neck fall back down to my side. "It's just that sometimes I feel like I have more than other people."

What I said was true. I really did feel that way. Over the past few years, the problems, the complications, the tradgedies just kept piling on top of me. First it was my grandmother, who fell ill, causing my mother to leave the house at odd hours of the night just to be with her. With my father working, that left me to fend for myself, left me to mature quickly. For a year, this ordeal pressed on. I saw little of my mother, for she was in and out of the house frequently and often with nothing to say. My father always returned home from work exhausted and paid little attention to me before he passed out on the sofa for the night. For a year, I was tormented, until my grandmother passed away. I was devastated, sure, but in a way, I was relieved. I thought that it was over, thought that maybe things would go back to normal.

But they didn't.

My mother, completely crushed by the loss, went into a state of depression, often waking up crying or bursting into random fits of sobs, for a _year._ My father couldn't comfort her, finding himself in grief as well. That left me to be the strong one. _Me_. A _child._ I shouldn't have had to bear it. I _shouldn't _have, but I did.

For another year, the battle raged on. I struggled at home. I struggled at school. I struggled in life. My grades were slipping, I was growing gradually more independant, more shy, more introverted, call it what you wish. I was slowly morphing into a loner, an outcast, and the world just didn't feel safe anymore.

My friends ... I was neglecting them.

They had their own problems, their own challenges to face, and yet they reached out to me. They reached out, and I didn't see them. I was too focused on my own life and my own issues to notice theirs. And they, because they worried that they were losing me, because they feared for _me_, tried to pull me back. But in the end, they only pushed away from each other.

It all came back to me. I was the cause of it, in the end.

I had built a wall. A wall around myself. A wall around my family. A wall around my friends. I had constructed a barrier, had isolated myself, without even realizing it.

But by the time I noticed it, it was too late. The damage had already been done. I was damaged. They were _damaged._

And the thought of it scared me.

I didn't want to lose them, the friends that had always been there for me, the friends who had tried to save me and failed because _I_ was too stubborn to accept their help. And so, in my desperation, I buldozed the walls, tore them down with force and burst through to the other side with new found determination.

I was determined to set things right again. I was going to fix what I had broken, no matter what the cost. I was going to repair the fractured relationships between myself and my companions, rebuild years of acquired trust that was beginning to fall apart all because of what I had done, all because of my stupidity.

I was going to get my friends back. _All_ of them.

That was where Sora came in.

But that was another story, a completely different puzzle, left unsolved until much later, until I was ready to face him again.

The fourth and final sigh.

"Okay."

Yuna slammed her locker shut with such force that it caused the lockers behind me to rattle, and I stepped forward, putting my weight back on both feet. I stared down at Yuna again, watching as she zipped up her over-stuffed bad and hoisted it onto her back with some difficulty. I reached forward in a gesture, offering to help, but she shook her head. "I can handle it," she said. "'S nothing really. I've just got a lot of homework tonight."

I raised an eyebrow at the sight of her. She looked rather riddiculous, hunched over like she was, a giant heap of zippers, cloth, and books slung behind her. But that was Yuna. Master of carrying heavy loads.

I could only wonder what she'd been through to make _her_ so strong.

"Come on," she said, gesturing to me with her left hand, as her right was clamped on to one of her backpack's straps. "We'll miss the bus if we don't hurry."

"I don't think the bus driver would leave without us," I said with a shrug, my gaze now on the ground beneath our feet, "but whatever."

"Hey."

"Hmm?" I looked up, and my eyes locked with Yuna's, opened wide and unblinking. For a second or two, she just stood there, and then she made a movement toward me, placing a hand on my shoulder, the faintest reassuring smile creeping onto her face.

"It's all gonna be okay," she said.

"I sure hope so," I said, shaking my head slightly to express my disbelief.

"It will. I promise." And she smiled wider.

_Promise._

So many promises had been made lately that I was beginning to doubt their sincerity. Promises were no longer as valuable to me as they once had been. They were over-used, worn out, and so I made an effort to use them sparingly. But coming from Yuna ... that put a whole new perspective on things. Yuna could be trusted, couldn't she? I had no reason to doubt _her_, right?

Yet, still, something so small as her promise set my mind thinking again. I wished ... I wished she hadn't made such a promise in the first place. It was for her own good. If she had just left it at that, without the promise ... at least that way she wouldn't fall so far.

"Do _you_ promise?"

The dreaded question.

I just stared at her and her glistening smile, the smile that mocked me and my aversion to promises, the smile that was just as over-used. But I couldn't help myself. It was irresistable, the kind of smile you just couldn't help but smile back at. And so I did.

I promised.

But then, I saw _him _over her shoulder.

There he was, plain as day, walking slowly down the empty spanse of hallway behind Yuna, stopping every few steps to peer into an open classroom, and I could only stare. Sensing that I was distracted, Yuna turned around, her hand sliding off of my shoulder, and she saw him. I could only imagine the disappointed look on her face as she switched her focus back and forth between me and that strange, blond-haired cousin of Sora's, who was slowly but surely making his way over to us. He looked lost, somehow, and if not that, then he had definitely lost something. Just by looking at him, I could tell, the way his eyes were wide and shiny, his eyebrows raised, how he walked with his hand in his hair, scratching the back of his head in confusion ... much like Sora would do. But his actions were different in a way. The way he moved, his mannerisms ... they were different, and I just couldn't explain it.

I was so absorbed in him that I didn't notice how close he had come to me until he spoke.

"H-hey."

I snapped out of my daze with a few furious blinks. I could only imagine how stupid I must have looked, staring at him like that. How rude of me.

"Yeah?"

"Which way ... which way did S-Sora go?"

I stared at him again, blankly, almost as if I didn't understand him. I did, plain as day, but I was somewhat ... taken aback. He spoke nervously, not because he was afraid to talk to me, but because he was unsure of himself, for whatever reason. And the way that he spoke ... his words choppy and staccato, tainted by a hint of an accent ...

And then it hit me.

His striking features ... the hushed conversation between he and his cousin a few days prior ... his strange mannerisms ... his accent ...

He wasn't from here.

"Um ..."

"Oh, sorry." I rushed to make up an excuse for my behavior. "I was just trying to remember ... uh ..."

Which way had he gone?

No, I hadn't seen him go anywhere. Which way did he _usually_ go?

"He went ..." I looked to my left, and jabbed my arm in that direction. "That way."

"Oh, okay."

He didn't move.

"You're his cousin, right?" I asked, something telling me to make conversation with him. It was only after I asked that I realized how stupid the question was, and that I _obviously_ knew the answer _already._

He blinked, blue eyes staring into mine, and then he looked down. "Yes."

"Oh. Okay."

He looked up again, and turned in the direction I had pointed. "Um, thank you."

"No problem."

And just like that, he had darted off, running down the hallway with incredible speed. His spontaneity surprised me, sure, but I was impressed. He sure could run _fast._

"Man," Yuna said, hands on her hips. "Kid sure can sprint."

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah," I said. "He seems like he's in such a hurry ..."

" ... like we _should_ be, considering our _bus_ is _waiting_ ...?"

" ... wonder what he's running from."

"Probably the same thing as everyone else."

At that I turned to face my friend, face void of emotion and expression unreadable. It was just a look, a standard look. Not a smirk, not a glare, not a questionable stare. Just a look.

I knew what she meant. I knew who that comment was aimed at.

In that way, I was just like everyone else. Who _didn't_ want to run from their problems?

Sure, I admit it. Sometimes I just felt like taking off, running with no destination in mind, running just for the heck of running and not ever turning back. Running across land, sea, and sky, running to the edge of the earth and past, running to where who I was and what I'd done were truly things of the past, running away, away, away from life as I knew it, as far as I could go.

But that was the thing. I was human. I could only go so far. If I ran, sooner or later I would have to stop running.

Sometimes I just felt like stealing the keys to my mother's car, sticking them in the ignition, and driving off. I would never stop, never turn, and when I got to the end of the road, I would keep on driving.

But cars weren't miracle machines. They were made by humans and they, too, had their limits. And if I drove off, sooner or later I would run out of gas.

Sometimes, I just wanted to hop on a plane and fly far, far away from my problems. I would soar over the seas and the cities, high above everything and everyone else, so that my problems, too, would be but tiny ants below, miniscule things that I could smash with my fist. Then, I could just lay back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

But planes, too, were imperfect, and came with their own impending dangers. And if I flew away, sooner or later I would have to land.

Nothing could outlast time.

And that boy, the one running away from us, he couldn't run forever.

After all, he'd run before, and only ended up here.

"_Nam_ine ..." Yuna was tapping her foot impatiently on the floor, head cocked to the side and countenance practically _screaming_ "don't get involved."

But I couldn't help myself. That's just the way I was.

So before Yuna could grab my arm and pull me back, before she could stop me, I had taken off after him, running out of her reach, running toward that boy who was running away. I ran until I could see him again, until I could faintly make out his form darting away, down the corridor, in the distance.

"_Hey!_"

He stopped upon hearing my voice, and spun around on his heel to face me, eyebrows raised, but this time in question. He was listening.

I was out of breath. I had run faster than I had ever run before for the sake of this kid, and I didn't even know who he was. But, of course, that was all about to change.

So, between deep, heavy breaths, I managed to call out to him again. "What's your name?"

He smiled, a wide and bright and friendly smile, different from the cliche versions expressed by my friends, and he raised his hand in a quick wave.

"Roxas."

**xxo0oxx**

**Author's Note: **Mwahaha. This one was waaay longer than my last one. Sorry if it was filler-ish. It'll get better. You have my word.

Eh, so ... good? Bad? Absolutely terrible? Comments of any kind? Please.

Reviews are your best friend ...

**xxo0oxx**

**Next Chapter: **_I couldn't give him an honest answer._

**xxo0oxx**


	6. Honest Answer

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Why **is **_Love_ **so** Hard **to** Find?**

_written by:_

_**hikari - aozora**_

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**xxo0oxx**

**Author's Note: **I know. You people are probably wondering why I'm updating again so soon, when it took me freaking forever to get the last chaper up, why don't I make up my mind, I'm such a schizoid, blah blah blah.

Well, honestly, I had most of this written before Thanksgiving, and I had planned to post it before I went out of town that week, but some things came up, and I didn't finish it in time, so that's my excuse. Then earlier this week I was like ohmygosh, I never finished that chapter, I better hurry up and finish it or else I might be made into French toast.

Okay, so ... Yeah. Six chapters. Oh boy. Six whole chapters. Eh ... this one probably doesn't settle so good with your taste buds, because it was written in a bit of a rush, but what the heck. Eat it up XD!

**xxo0oxx**

**Disclaimer: **Um ... just no.

**xxo0oxx**

Normal Text

_'Thought Text'_

_Emphasized Text_

**Really Emphasized Text**

**xxo0oxx**

**---------------------**

**Chapter Six**

_**I couldn't give him an **honest answer_

**---------------------**

"Roxas, right?"

I must have been crazy, just walking up to him like that. Completely insane. Totally out of it. But he looked so alone, the same as I was, considering neither Yuna nor Sora were anywhere in sight. It was just the two of us and the dozens of students surrounding us, darting this way and that, exiting out of these doors and those, chatting amongst themselves, travelling alone, in pairs, and in packs. But there were no familliar faces. Not one person stood out to either of us amongst the crowds. No Yuna or Sora, no Rikku or Selphie, no Paine, no Kairi or her clique, no Riku, Wakka or Tidus.

Just us and everyone else.

He looked up upon hearing his name, eyes gleaming, random strands of golden hair dangling in his face, and when he noticed the friendly smile on my face (or, at least, I hoped it looked friendly enough) he stood up straight and smiled back.

"Yeah ..."

I nodded my head once. "Good," I said. "Just wanted to make sure I heard you right."

"Okay ..." he muttered in response, with a funny little twist of his head that let me know he was curious as to where this was going.

If only I knew myself.

And then it hit me. "I don't think I've introduced myself, have I?" I asked.

He shook his head quickly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. The way he was standing, loomed over me like that, a blank expression on his face ... he looked completely unaproachable.

But I was feeling brave.

How ... completely out-of-character of me.

"I'm Namine," I said, that riddiculous smile still plastered on my face, and I held out my hand.

There was an uncomfortable pause that followed, in which Roxas just stared at my hand stolidly as if it was the most curious thing, his own arms not budging an inch. I saw his eyes dart once between my hand and my face and that stupid, stupid grin upon it, the grin that I had held so long that my cheeks were sore and trembling. The two of us just stood there like fools for so long that I was beginning to think he honestly didn't know what the gesture was ... maybe it wasn't customary where he was from.

"Umm ..." I looked down at my feet, feeling a little embarrassed, and I began to let my hand fall back at my side ...

Then all of the sudden, his hand grasped mine, and I looked back up. Our gazes met, and we both grinned happily. Just like that, I was shaking his hand.

"Nice to meet you ... Nam-mine ..."

Out of my _mind._

And then the handshake was over, and our arms were floating back down beside us or folding back across the other, wherever they were resting before, and the friendly smiles etched across the center of our faces were slowly fading into nervous little grins, and the awkward silence that had fallen between us upon our first meeting was back again.

A moment passed and nothing was said. Roxas leaned backward, resting against the lockers, and looked over my shoulder into the distance. Interested, I glanced in the direction he was looking, but there was no one coming toward us, no one person that he could have been focused on. And so I assumed that he was just bored.

"Well," I began breaking the silence.

"Well ..." he repeated.

" ... how are you doing?"

I guess the tone in which I asked the question caught him off guard, because just like that the vacant expression was back on his face and he just stared at me, blinking. But then, after an impatient head tilt on my part, he answered.

"I'm okay, I guess."

"Well that's good."

"How are _you?_"

To be honest, I was surprised that he asked. But I couldn't give him an honest answer.

So, while he waited for my reply, I took my place next to him, leaning against the lockers in the same position I always was in, waiting for Yuna to conquer her locker at the end of the day. His eyes followed me, but I was staring away from him, at the herd of students moving through the corridor, their numbers slowly dwindling as they exited the building, and at the closed classroom doors beyond. Finally, I shrugged, folding my arms as his were across my abdomen.

"Fine."

"No you're not."

I didn't look at him, for I was frozen. I could feel my pulse quicken the slightest bit, partly in fear of this boy, for he had seen right through that lie, that perfectly good lie, as if it had been transparent. How had he done it?

But, as if the strangeness of it all had never crossed my mind, I spoke again.

"No, really, I'm fine."

Lies. All of it.

I could feel his eyes upon me for another moment or so, and I even turned to face him. He stared at me and I stared back, unmoving, facial expression unchanging, trying to trick him into believing I was serious. And thankfully, he shrugged it off, and turned his head away from me again. Yet, for some reason, I knew he hadn't bought it.

"If you say so."

Another pause, in which I brought my right hand up to my face and examined my nails, desperately trying to think of something to say to save the conversation. Then, "Do you ... like your classes?"

He raised his shoulders up to his ears and brought them down again. "Not really," he said.

I shook my head and giggled. "Me neither. Especially math. The teacher's really dull, and I certainly haven't learned anything yet." _'Way to ramble on ...'_

"What math class do you have?"

"Geometry, you?"

One look at his face and I knew I shouldn't have said that. I was so used to hanging around people as advanced in that subject as myself that I had forgotten the majority of my grade was two years behind. I hadn't meant to make him feel bad or inferior -- especially not the latter -- but it had just slipped out.

"Pre-algebra," he said softly, just barely loud enough for me to hear, though compared to the volume he normally conversed at it wasn't really that much quieter.

"Oh."

That was all I could say, and it didn't really help the situation. In fact, it did quite the opposite, and we found ourselves standing in silence once more. The sounds off the hallway filled our ears -- the quick, eager footsteps of students, the agrivated slam of lockers, the wind that whistled when it slid through the glass doors from the outside world, the click of tongues against the roof of mouths as their owners talked away in English and Spanish and Korean, the thud of books against the linoleum that reverberated off of the white-washed walls ...

Such deafening silence it was.

"Japan."

Startled, I looked over at Roxas again. _'What?_

"What?"

"It's where I'm from. You were wondering, weren't you?"

"Yeah, but ..." I wasn't really sure what I was going to say, so I just let my voice fade and kept my mouth shut. I didn't want anything else slipping out that shouldn't have.

"It's alright," he told me, his grin detectable in his voice. "They all want to know. It's just usually the first thing they ask."

"I guess I'm not like them, then," I said.

"No. That's good."

I took a breath, and then, "Do you miss it?"

Roxas didn't answer at first, but then he heaved a sigh and said, "Yes, but I like it here. More freedom."

"Too much freedom."

"Why do you say that?"

"'S only the truth."

"Do you not like it?"

"Eh ... depends on the day."

He chuckled. "You're funny."

"I can be."

"Then you should be."

" ... I guess."

"You guess?"

I shrugged, and when my shoulders relaxed I sighed. "I don't know," I said. "I just haven't felt in the mood for laughter lately. Life's been kind of rough, lately, but hey, I shouldn't complain. It won't do me any good."

To my surprise, he grinned, and when I arched an eyebrow in question at him, he just shook his head and said. "I didn't think you were trying to be funny. I was just smiling because I know what you're going through."

I raised both of my eyebrows, my eyes suddenly wide. "You do?" It was a dumb question, I know, but it just felt ... comforting, knowing that someone understood. I had to make sure he wasn't lying.

Thankfully, he nodded. "Yes," he said. "Lately, life's been rough for me, too."

The second he'd finished speaking, a familiar sadness began to gleam in his eyes, and I understood. Here, he was alone, practically friendless, an outsider, and I knew firsthand what that felt like. And the sudden depression that had settled upon his features ... well, I knew what that felt like, too.

Roxas ... I felt ... almost _sorry_ for him.

That was the first thing that set him apart from Sora, but at the time, I thought it insignificant. I was still on my guard, even if I didn't show it.

I had been standing there, staring up at the boy, sharing in his sadness when I saw two figures move closer to me out of the corner of my eye. My head moved slowly toward them until they came into full view, and when it registered that the figures were, in fact, Rikku and Selphie, I quickly straightened up and moved toward them, a spring in my step.

"Hey, guys!"

Rikku was the first to look toward me, and Selphie not long after, both smiling and giggling in the customary Selphie-style, and they turned to face me. I stopped about a foot from them, smiling back, and then Rikku spoke.

"Hey, Namine," she said, and Selphie said something similar, giggling in between words. Then Rikku cocked her head to the side. "You're still here?" She was making reference to the fact that I was still inside the building, roughly ten minutes after the final bell had rung, and not on the bus, as I very well should have been. No, I had lingered here in hopes that I could speak with Yuna.

But I had long forgotten about her, hadn't I?

I shook my head. "Nah, I was just talking to ..." and I turned my head around, nodding toward Roxas, who hesitated before waving at the three of us, a weak smile briefly gracing his face. I turned back to look at Rikku, who was staring past me at the boy with slightly wide eyes, and Selphie, who, being a good deal shorter than either of us, was standing on her tiptoes to see over me.

The smile fell from my face when I saw Rikku and Selphie steal uncertain glances at each other, both of their faces vacant of expression. But the real shock came when Selphie began to rock back and forth on her feet, hands clasped behind her back, muttering apologies and hurried goodbye-I-gotta-go-'cause-Mom's-waiting's, before turning on her heel and swiftly exiting the building, no giggling involved.

When I looked back at Rikku once more, her expression was stern and her arms were crossed and her foot was tapping impatiently on the floor.

I scratched the back of my head, then reached around to grab my hair and drape it over one shoulder. "Umm, have you seen Yuna?"

She quickly shook her head. "No," she said, and then, "Have you checked the bus? She might already be on it."

"I doubt it," I said. "She never came to her locker. I've been here since right after the bell rang. She's got to still be in the building."

Rikku shrugged and straightened out. "Well," she said, "I better get going. The bus isn't going to wait for us much longer. You coming?"

I shook my head. "I'm gonna wait."

She shrugged again. "Suit yourself," she said. Then, after stealing one last glance over my shoulder, presumably at Roxas, she followed in Selphie's path, twice as quickly.

She hadn't gone too far when I called after her. "If Yuna's already there, you'll come tell me, right?"

But I guess she didn't hear me.

Sighing, I walked back over to Roxas, slouching against the locker doors once more. I shook my head in disbelief. What had all that been about? I slouched lower. "I don't get it ..."

_Here we go again._

Roxas didn't ask me about what I didn't get. He simply said, "That was weird."

"You got that right," I said, chuckling. He could be funny, too.

"I'm guessing they were friends of yours ..."

And before I knew it, I was rambling to Roxas, a near stranger, about Rikku and Selphie ... how serious but wild Rikku could be, and how she could win any fist fight if provoked; how Selphie was a bottomless pit with unlimited energy, could eat two or three lunches a day and never gain a pound, and found just about everything to be absolutely hilarious; how the four of us, including Yuna, were still extremely close friends, despite everything that had happened to us these past few years ...

And that's where I stopped, for, as if on cue, the door to my Geometry classroom, which was directly across the hall from where we were standing, suddenly flew open, and out walked Yuna and Sora, books and binders still in hand.

No sooner had they looked up than they saw the two of us, standing side by side against the opposite wall, and both stopped dead in their tracks. Why the sight of Roxas and I, standing up straight and suddenly stiff, looked so suspicious to them, I had no idea, but they glanced at each other and then back at us, an action similar to the one performed by Rikku and Selphie just a few moments earlier. Finally, they became unfrozen from their places, and moved toward us again, even if it was slowly.

I was relieved when Yuna approached me with a smile, apologizing for having taken so long, saying that she had a question about the day's lesson, as had Sora. Then she squatted down and began fumbling with her combination lock as if everything was normal, nothing was out of place.

But to my left was a completely different scene.

Sora had approached Roxas with a serious, almost angry look on his face, and they were now engaged in a hushed conversation again, going on and on in Japanese. Sora's voice was abrasive, and Roxas's timid. If I hadn't known better, I would have sworn Roxas was afraid of Sora ... but then again, who said I knew better?

And what reason would he have to be afraid? He had done nothing wrong, as far as I was concerned, so why was Sora so angry with him?

Then my heart rate increased as a thought crossed my mind.

Was any of this _my_ fault?

**xxo0oxx**

**Author's Note: **Ooooh-kay. There you have it. More questioning and doubt. Yeah, there's a lot of that in life, unfortunately. I wish there wasn't, but we can't all have our way all the time, can we?

So review please. I love reviews. I don't care if you flame me, either, really. But try to limit it to constructive criticism, please and thank you.

**xxo0oxx**

**Next Chapter: **_Thank goodness for paper and ink._

**xxo0oxx**


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